It never did cease to amaze her how little her mother really paid attention to her. Eyes all puffy Evelyn eyed her mother menacingly as her mother lectured her on the importance of being lady like so that her man will not look somewhere else. ‘Like it mattered he looked somewhere else that’s for sure.’ She thought bitterly. She had enough with crying anyway and it’s not just because she couldn’t cry anymore. Weakness is not in her nature. She was a Harrish woman and Harrish women where strong.
As much as she’d like to hate the woman, Eve’s mother had endured and survived an ordeal she herself doubted she’d have the strength to see through. She didn’t have any real memories of her father, but his death had a devastating effect on her family leaving a young wife and daughter behind. Although she didn’t really care what he thought of her right now she did have to look presentable for work. With everything that happened, it seemed surreal to return to the daily routine. She could almost believe it was all a dream.
Her mother was still talking and Eve wasn’t really in the mood for one of her mother’s lectures even if she had been paying attention to what she was talking about. She’d heard it all before. Eve didn’t even begin to contemplate confiding in her mother about anything let alone something this serious. Sebastian was god sent in her mother’s eyes, a suitor of the right birth with a rich family behind him. Likely Lucile would just find a way to blame Evelyn about it. She decided to skip breakfast and take a shower. The morning sun shining through the gilded window was bright enough that she didn’t bother turning on the lights. She avoided the mirror as she didn’t really want to look at herself right now all she really wanted was scolding hot water all over her. “Wash away your worries,” she said to herself as she stepped into the shower.
“Oh, he was so cute, you wouldn’t believe it,” Raymond said dreamingly. “He’d dressed all suave for the interview in this gorgeous suit I wanted to rip it right off him. He had the most amazing blue eyes. I gave him full points for the interview,”
“Trust you to hire someone solely based on his looks,” Shauna said, “Although, if he’s all you say he is I imagine I’ll be having a lot of ‘technical’ difficulties,” they both laughed too caught up in their talk to really notice Eve’s lack of interest. With a growing company such as Fairfax International new staff was hardly a rare occurrence. In fact Shauna herself had only been working as a secretary for a few months now but she was so open and friendly she had already immersed herself seamlessly into their little group.
“Speaking off gorgeous blue eyed beauties look who’s here,” Raymond said. Evelyn looked over to where he’d gestured and found Sebastian crossing the foyer heading towards them. Her heart fluttered at the site of him. He truly was beautiful. Those blue eyes looked sombre today and that unusual intensity made her weak in the knees. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted him to gather her in his arms and…
“Can we talk?” Sebastian said. He nodded greetings to Raymond and Shauna and catching on to the atmosphere they returned the greeting half heartedly, Raymond stepping closer to Evelyn supportively.
“Outside,” She said walking past him as coldly as she could.
“You’ll be pleased to know I have recovered quiet well thank you,” Sebastian said. Despite what he said he still seemed to take particular care when sitting down. ‘He still can’t believe I really did that. Hell I still can’t believe I really did that!’ Eve thought to herself. When she didn’t reply Sebastian continued.
“You haven’t been answering my calls. Actually I’m surprised you agreed to talk to me now. I really needed to see you. I’ve missed you like crazy,”
‘I’ve missed you too,’ she thought doing her best to keep the heart wrenching emotion from showing on her face. She took a deep breath and blinked back tears.
“I’m losing my mind without you. I can’t stop thinking about you. This frustration is killing me. I just want this thing over and done with,” he said.
“What, you think I’ll just forget about it straight away?” she burst out.
“No, I…” he began.
“So sleep on it a night then suddenly everything is all fine!” she interrupted.
“No, I… I’d like us to work through this, talk about it, I don’t know,”
She bit her lip to stop from yelling at him. Sitting on the bench next to him she watched him intently without any care to hide the anger from her eyes. He flinched under her attention his eyes lowering. He reached out and touched her hand but she was so mad she slapped it away. She regretted it instantly by the wounded look his eyes cast.
“I want things to be okay between us and I,..” he started.
“It’s not something that you can do and then expect me to be okay with,” she interrupted. “I don’t think I can ever forgive you!”
“So what, you’re going to leave me?” he asked.
“Don’t see why I shouldn’t”
She immediately regretted those words. Her heart sank to new limits and the fear of losing him choked her leaving her unable to talk.
‘Oh god please no. Say something; don’t let it end this way. Please fight for me,’ she thought desperately. She felt a tear slide down her cheek and his eyes met hers. He looked devastated. She wanted to go to him so badly her arms twitched in longing. The pain was more then she could endure and she felt feint.
His arm extended out to her and for a moment her heart soared. He stopped midway and retracted his arm hesitantly all why wearing that distraught, desperate look on his face. Another tear slid down her cheek. The silence hung heavy and as seconds slipped into minutes he finally spoke.
“As you wish,” he said ominously. He turned away but she could have sworn his eyes started to well up in tears. That was the last thing she saw before the blackness took her.
His warm embrace shook her out of it. She almost cried in joy at his tender touch. He was rocking her back and forth and cooing to her silently. It didn’t matter what he said. The words slid over her and she took comfort in his masculine voice. She had to have imagined him walking away. His words of farewell and parting part of some sick demented day dream. No, everything was as it should be. Only, something was nagging at her. It was Raymond’s voice she heard, his arms that held her.
She wasn’t really aware of much else after that. Some how, Raymond had taken her home ‘sick’ for the day and she was alone in her bed. She didn’t know how long she spent crying. She didn’t think she could have any tears left but still she cried. Sleep came easier then she could have imagined but dreams taunted her with false realities. With the coming of dawn she found herself in front of the mirror.
‘Who are you,’ she asked the stranger looking back. She looked contemptuously into that weak woman’s eyes. ‘I will not cry again, I will not show any more weakness,’. Evelyn thought of the last few days and all the associated pain and grief. ‘Evelyn what are you doing! What the hell is wrong with you. NO MORE SORROW.’ And with those thoughts grief turned to anger, anger at her self, anger at Sebastian and anger at the whole damn world. She formed her resolve and promised herself no more tears. She felt herself harden and sadly, a part of her die. She accepted that casualty and with its loss felt a path open up to her. Her face relaxed and her back straightened. “No more sorrow,” she said out loud.
“Hey darling how are you, is everything alright? I was so worried about you,” Raymond said upon answering her call.
“I’m fine thank you, I just wanted to call and thank you for yesterday. I…. I wasn’t myself I fear, I’m sorry to have caused you to worry unnecessarily” Evelyn said.
“Oh, never mind that Evvie, you want to talk about it, I’m free today if you need someone to talk to, we can meet up, or I’ll come round, something happened with Sebastian right?” he asked.
“No, I thank you for your concern but I’m fine now,”
” Really? I don’t mind honestly, I’d love for you to confide, you close yourself off to much sweet heart,”
” I am fine thank you, I hope you enjoy the weekend,”
” Okay,” he said hesitantly, “Well, if you change your mind, you have my number,”
” Well, thanks again, and goodbye Raymond,” she finished.
” Okay… Well, look after yourself okay sweetie, I’ll see you Monday,” Raymond said after slight pause. It seemed to her that he was still worried but she didn’t want to deal with that right now.
Raymond was a really nice guy and she didn’t enjoy being cold to him. But he was definitely the type to gossip and regardless talking about problems didn’t help when it came to forgetting them. Evelyn thought that it’s impossible to entirely forget things but you can file them away somewhere where you don’t have to deal with them. It was a simple mind set that empowers you rather then renders you a victim confining you to rooms where you spend all night crying. “No more sorrow,” she reaffirmed after she hung up the phone.
Having placed the mobile on the counter she was halted mid step by a chime indicating a message. ‘Is it him?’ Unable to ignore it she went back to the counter and picked up her mobile all too eagerly.
You have received 1 new message.
Opening the folder it was a missed call notification. Scanning the message she quickly found what she was looking for.
From Sebastian.
She hit the call back option without thinking and then quickly cancelled the action. It was a force of habit; she didn’t really want to talk to him. “Did I?’ When her eyes refocused she realised she was staring at a photo of Sebastian and herself she’d used as a background on her phone. He was handsome. She felt her heart pull and quickly suppressed the emotion not daring just yet to allow them free reign. Whatever the cause, she loved him even more then she hated him right now, ‘And considering how much I hate him.’ She didn’t want things to end that way. She didn’t really want them to end at all so she decided to call him. ‘NO!’ placing the phone down she paced back and forth considering her options. She didn’t want to be the one to call him and she didn’t really want to wait for him to try again. Her frustration fed her anger, strengthening her resolve. No, she would not call him. Picking up the phone she started her sms.
I missed your call. You wanted to say something to me?