“I feel like the world is suffocating me, like this big black abyss is dragging me deeper into this pool of darkness,” Seth said to his captive audience.
Sarah looked around watching the others in the group nod enthusiastically as if the garbage Seth was spewing out didn’t sound exactly the same as everything else. Seth’s attention however was for her, his eyes filled with an intense focus that although unnerving she had to admit was quite bold. He’d been after her for some time now trying to impress her with his dark sensitivity that was suppose to woo her. He wasn’t exactly unattractive as evident by the poorly disguised dreamy looks other girls in the group were sending his way and looks of jealous scorn sent to her. Having the group’s pretty boy obsessed with you made getting close to most the girls difficult and the boys not wanting to appear in conflict with Seth kept their distance as well.
The call themselves outcasts and anti popular, non conformist social miscreants however the ‘goth’ population at UWA was just as clicky as any other social group on campus. Some of them have adopted the title Emo as their own but complained when people called them by that given title. Sarah however didn’t feel at liberty to point out the obvious lack of sensibility as she felt no kinship to anyone here. Seth was annoying but tolerate able and the distance most the others kept from her suited her needs where as spending time in-between classes alone attracted unwanted attention by guys trying to pick up. She could always spend it alone in the library studying but she needed breaks from her studies else she’d lose what little was left of her sanity.
Sarah looked across at Jessie one of Seth’s captive audience sitting across from her. Jessie was short and chubby with long hair dyed black with bright red streaks littered within its tangles. Her face was covered in acini and framed by thick black rimmed glasses that covered shy blue eyes that would only watch you if she thought you weren’t watching. She had a piercing through her bottom lip and nose as well as a hefty collection on her ears which was slightly off putting but not as ridiculous as others in the group. Her cloths were also unflattering and masculine. Lose fitting old black jeans with an unpatterned op shop look to them with an old black HIM shirt. Sarah knew that Jessie resented her for her looks but sometimes she felt jealous of Jessie’s ability to fade into the back ground. Girl’s like Jessie don’t exist on boys radar even though she was one of the more interesting minds in this little group most people didn’t even know her name. She could fade away to nothing and the world wouldn’t blink an eye.
Her envy of that conflicted with her distorted pride. Beauty is a gift and a curse and she was fully aware that she is as bound by her appearance as Jessie is hers, trapped in a world that only takes people for face value. People will always go up to someone and say they want to get to know them as if they hadn’t already made up their minds enough to warrant that want based on their looks. Never the less, Sarah did take pride in her appearance her one and only link to that shattered past.
Her darkness is what connected her to these people but where theirs was make up and dye hers was natural with make up to emphasize her looks rather then cover them. She didn’t feel the need to cover herself in piercing to show her ‘individuality’ as she didn’t want to be individual. She could understand why Seth was so interested and in some small way she enjoyed his attention not that she would ever admit as much. Not today however. Today, she just wanted to be invisible like Jessie. She had no reason to feel this way as things were going rather well but sometimes the ‘black abyss’ just seemed to smother you. She smiled to herself at the irony of such a predicament and hoped Seth didn’t take it as encouragement. Abruptly Seth stopped talking and looking she found his gaze on Jessie with everyone else following suit. Jessie was intensely studying the ground in front her. Sarah must have been scrutinizing Jessie too attentively and drew Seth’s attention to her. An awkward silence seemed to hang over everyone as people were wondering why Seth was suddenly looking at poor little Jessie out of the blue. ‘So much for invisible,’ Sarah thought to herself and having had enough stood and walked away without a word said. Human interaction was so tiresome so she decided to find herself a cup of hot chocolate and read a book until her next class.
The weather was still oppressive, clouds hiding the midmorning sun, a cold biting wind that blew in random torrents with occasion drizzles of rain marked a pretty dull winter’s day. Its not that she was particularly partial to clear sunny days however lately she wanted some warm light to brighten her days.
“God, I thought she was going to kill herself from shame. It’s your fault if she dies you know,” a feminine voice said behind her. She was being followed and calmly turned to find Melissa on her tail. ‘So much for my book,’ Sarah thought and pondered stabbing Mel in the eye. Mel was a scrawny girl with short cropped black dyed hair and Sarah suspected enough piercings to double her weight. She was short with a pug nose and heavily shadowed brown eyes that were sparkling with amusement. If she ate a little more and lost all that metal Mel might even be attractive in Sarah’s opinion.
Mel was the type that took particular care when she dressed going to a lot of effort to be a non conformist. She was an Arts major however and as long as you considered her wearing her Art it didn’t seem so ridiculous. Somehow Mel had gotten the idea that they were friends and she was one of the few that wasn’t alienated by Seth’s obsession. It was a relationship Sarah dealt with as sometimes Mel could actually be amusing to a certain degree.
“I won’t take responsibility,” Sarah said turning to resume her course.
“He thinks he’s so deep and compassionate but he’s such a poser. Guys like that really shit me,” Mel said catching up. There was no need to ask who she was talking about as Mel talked about Seth a lot especially for someone whom claims she doesn’t like him.
“When he was going on about needing someone to touch to hold back the darkness, I reckon Hannah was getting wet. Probably would have jumped on him right then and there if he so much as looked at her during that whole discourse” Mel continued. Hannah was one of Seth’s biggest fans. She was a rather pathetic spectacle and was used as a mattress by most the guys in the group including Seth if he got desperate enough.
“You know he writes about you, all his so called mysterious lover in his poetry is about you. It’s so obvious it’s pathetic. I don’t know what they all see in him,”
Sarah knew about the poetry well enough. Seth had admitted as much when he cornered her on a few occasions. When they were alone Seth dropped his ‘reserved’ flirting and went more desperate. He’d actually begged her to go out with him like a small child who was denied candy on numerous occasions. It was something she didn’t share with Mel not out of concern for Seth’s reputation but unwillingness to encourage any conversations about Seth with Mel. Luke on the other hand found the situation entirely amusing and avoided coming up this way so not to encourage any image of unavailability on Sarah’s part. That would soon change however with him working in Perth now. Eventually they would spot her with Luke and she would be harassed with people wanting to know every sorted detail about the two of them. Luke the bastard would find a new way to make things more miserable for her and play the part of the doting boyfriend to encourage the harassment.
They’d both taken the bus that morning which was a relief as she didn’t have to find some random older lady to sit next to on the bus and have her chat to her about all sorts of crap like they were old friends from years back which was still better then sitting on her own opening the gap for some guy. A few of the regulars on the bus had spent the trip eying Luke and she’d lavished herself against him possessively enjoying the end to a long period of annoying public transportation mornings. They’d talked about driving but with the train coming down to Mandurah soon there didn’t seem much point even if they did park the car at the UNI instead of the city.
Life was comfortable right now. It was a strange feeling that accompanied a mixture of conflicting emotions that always seemed to swell up inside her when she started to think of her life. A life she didn’t choose, a life she didn’t want, a live she held onto desperately and a life she wanted to let go off. She wanted to be with her. She wanted to be with Darian…
Melissa continued to talk about Seth but Sarah paid her no mind her mind lost in memory of a past shattered so long ago.